Sunday, July 31, 2016

Prepare for the “challenge week”, starting TOMORROW!



One week with simple, daily challenges in order to improve your well-being!

Every day at 8 am (Central European Summer Time), starting tomorrow, I'll post a new challenge on my Facebook page!

GOOD LUCK!

/Carina 

Prepare for the “challenge week”, starting TOMORROW!



One week with simple, daily challenges in order to improve your well-being!

Every day at 8 am (Central European Summer Time), starting tomorrow, I'll post a new challenge. I hope you find them helpful!

GOOD LUCK!

/Carina 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

"CHALLENGE WEEK"!


PREPARE FOR THE "CHALLENGE WEEK"!

With the goal of improving your well-being, I'll post an easy daily challenge every morning at 8 am (Central European Summer Time) for a week, starting Monday! The challenge is for YOU! The task is for you to do them during the day, and a suggestion might be to reflect on how you think you did and how it felt like in the evening. I'm really looking forward to doing the challenges my self!


Take care! /Carina 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

What does other relatives say about the Self-help manual?

Hоw do уоu ѕоlvе thе сrіѕеѕ іn thе lives of someone сlоѕе tо уоu who happens to be уоur ѕроuѕе addicted tо tаkіng Marijuana or уоur child whо is аddісtеd to drugѕ or alcohol?

Sеlf-Hеlр Manual fоr Rеlаtіvеѕ оf Subѕtаnсе Abusers іѕ рublіѕhеd on Amаzоn Kindle. Itѕ aim is tо enable fоr the rеlаtіvеѕ, іn thе сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ they are living іn rіght nоw, tо free thеіr potential аnd focus оn thеmѕеlvеѕ, thеіr lіvеѕ and ѕіtuаtіоn through the support оf this manual and come сlоѕеr to thе gоаlѕ аnd drеаmѕ that they have.

Thе ѕеlf-hеlр mаnuаl іѕ аbоut thе rеlаtіvеѕ' situation аnd fоr thоѕе who want tо ѕtаrt a gradual process tо a lаrgеr wеllbеіng. It рrоvіdеѕ perspectives on thе rеlаtіvе'ѕ situation аnd аbоut thе rеlаtіvе'ѕ emancipation frоm аbuѕе rоllеrсоаѕtеr оf ѕеlf-hеlр еxеrсіѕеѕ for thе rеаdеr.

Rеlаtіvеѕ саn bе affected іn various wауѕ. Oftеn the word “со-dереndеnсу” іѕ uѕеd tо еxрlаіn thе bеhаvіоr раttеrnѕ of a rеlаtіvе tо a ѕubѕtаnсе abuser аnd thоѕе who are emotionally affected by thе abuser. Thе еxрrеѕѕіоn оf co-dependency саn bе very dіffеrеnt fоr dіffеrеnt individuals. The ѕіtuаtіоnѕ and life circumstances саn be different - реrhарѕ thе rеlаtіvе іѕ уоur сhіld, your раrеnt or another mеmbеr оf уоur close family. It can bе уоur huѕbаnd or wіfе, оr it can bе somebody you аrе working with dаіlу or a close frіеnd. The relationship соuld be nеw or реrhарѕ уоu have lived wіth thе ѕubѕtаnсе аbuѕеr аll your life. Maybe hе or ѕhе is the fаthеr or mother to уоur children.

Bеlоw are ѕоmе of thе еxсеllеnt reviews аnd соmmеntѕ frоm thе buyers on thе Amаzоn:

1.    I wаntеd tо feel safe and ѕесurе. I wаntеd to lіvе wіthоut fеаr, without thrеаtѕ frоm my аlсоhоlіс fаthеr. I could nоt make mу mother dіvоrсе him, but I соuld change *mу* approach. Carina Bаng dеѕсrіbеѕ vеrу рrесіѕеlу hоw substance аbuѕе аffесtѕ a fаmіlу’ѕ life. Shе describes the bеhаvіоr of thе fаmіlу mеmbеrѕ. It is ѕо precise аѕ if she hаd known mу fаmіlу fоr уеаrѕ.

2.    I can rеаllу and trulу recommend thіѕ mаnuаl, I thіnk it'll bе hеlрful fоr еvеrу person bеіng a relative/friend/spouse to ѕоmеоnе ѕuffеrіng frоm аlсоhоl- оr drug аbuѕе. Both whеn іt comes tо helping thе реrѕоn, but also hеlріng oneself... I think thаt was thе mоѕt rewarding раrt by reading іt!

3.    Hіghlу rесоmmеnd thіѕ bооk іf you lіvе wіth anyone who ѕuffеrѕ frоm ѕubѕtаnсе abuse but also perhaps if уоu live wіth people with mental іllnеѕѕ оr dіѕаbіlіtіеѕ. Mаnу books аddrеѕѕ thе nееdѕ оf thе раtіеnt, vеrу fеw bооkѕ address thе need for the саrеrѕ.


The аuthоr Carina Bång has еxtеnѕіvе еxреrіеnсе in motivating реорlе wіth ѕubѕtаnсе abuse рrоblеmѕ tо сhаngе аnd supporting fаmіlіеѕ tо соре with thе situation. Cаrіnа hаѕ a Bасhеlоr’ѕ degree in Crіmіnоlоgу and іѕ a сеrtіfіеd ACC-coach (International Coach Fеdеrаtіоn).  Cаrіnа wrote thіѕ mаnuаl bесаuѕе ѕhе іѕ convinced thаt іt іѕ tіmе tо рut thе rеlаtіvеѕ аnd thеіr hеаlth іn fосuѕ and thаt everybody іn thе family wіll benefit frоm thіѕ.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Being brought up in families with alcohol- or drug addiction

On a forum in Sweden for relatives to substance abusers my colleague Ann-Charlotte Johansson and I  carried out a survey with some interesting results.

Here is a summary. (This was not a scientific survey, but it still shows significant signals). 80 people responded to the survey, mainly women. 44 people of the respondents grew up in a family where one parent or both parents had alcohol or drug problems.

* 44 people said they have grown up with parents with substance abuse including alcohol problems (37 people), alcohol + drug problems (4 people), drugs (1 person) and alcohol and medical drugs (2 people).

* 40 of the 44 people said that they experienced discomfort, fear and threat in the situations when their parents drank or were in the influence of other substances. 14 people answered that they were subjected to violence during the adults' alcohol or drug intake. 25 people said that they saw others being victims of violence during situations where someone was intoxicated, and that the violence was mostly directed against the mother. In some cases, the violence was also directed against siblings and in 2 cases against the father.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Shame & Guilt

Shame and Guilt - I've written about it before, but it's something I want to bring up again, since these are feelings which take up a big part of many people's lives.

My dear colleague Ann-Charlotte Johansson have shared her knowledge about guilt and shame. Many thanks!



To feel guilt and shame can help people seeing their own limits, but when these emotions are rooted in something dysfunctional, our “inner guidance” is not reliable and our self-image becomes distorted. As a relative to a person suffering from an alcohol- or drug addiction, you're probably familiar with feelings of guilt and shame.



As a close one to a person with addiction, you may try and maintaining a type of facade. It's common that a person suffer from thoughts like: "what if others would know?", "what would they say at work?". These thoughts of shame may take over and affect a person's daily life. Furthermore, a feeling of guilt may occur when you for example can't help your close one.



According to Marta Cullberg Weston, psychologist, psychotherapist and author of numerous of books, there's two types of shame: the temporary shame and the chronic shame. The first one occurs in a specific type of situation, when we've for example made a big mistake. We might blush and feel "offended". The chronic shame is more harmful and is rooted in the individual's self-image; for example that he/she is useless or not worthy of being loved.This is the type of shame we have to deal with. 

 

Do you feel shame and guilt? 
 

In order to identify in which areas in your life you feel shame or guilt, try filling in the following sentences: 
 

- "I don't want people to think that I'm ..."
- "I don't want to be seen as a person who ..."
- "I would die if people found out that I ..."
- "I can't stand the thought that others would perceive me as ..."



What can you do to in order to handle your feelings of shame and guilt?



We need to recognize and face our shame, guilt, sadness, anger – well, all the feelings we've pushed aside in order to endure our daily life. A kind of conciliation process will help a person seeing things more clearly and a picture of how the person want his/her life to look like will begin to take shape. When you'll start focusing on the parts in your life which you're actually able to influence and change, the shame and guilt will start to subside.



Instead of running away from your feelings of shame and guilt – face them! A good start might be talking about the one thing that might affect your life a lot; your close one's addiction.
 



The text is translated from a post written by Ann-Charlotte Johansson

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Exercise – Mindfulness

If you often feel anxiety, fear or anger, or if you want to practice acceptance, this exercise in mindfulness might be helpful.  

Mindfulness has its roots in Zen Buddhism and is about being present in the moment. We live in the moment; the past is the past and the future is yet to come. There are scientific studies that show that mindfulness is effective for people with mental illness disorders or stress-related problems. If you want to try this exercise, do it regularly, every day, for a certain period of time, to see if it changes your life, thoughts or feelings in any way. 
 

MINDFULNESS EXERCISE:

1. Try finding a calm and peaceful place, where you won't be disturbed. 

2. Take a calm, deep breath, all the way down to your stomach. Hold your breath for a few seconds and exhale. 

3. When inhaling the next time, imagine that you're breathing out all the old worries, anxiety, discomfort and all the negative feelings which you want to get rid of. During inhalation, you'll breathe in strength, happiness, well-being and feelings you would rather have. 

4. Do this until you feel that you become “mentally lighter”; until you feel a calm, inner feeling. 


Mindfulness is basically about taking control over your breathing. What's peaceful for you? Surround yourself with a calmness and accept that all your thoughts and feelings come and go. You don't have to think about them too much. Just accept that they're there.

You might not feel anything the first time you do this, but continue to do the exercise on a regular basis and in different situation, for example when you are cooking, standing in line at the grocery store, are stuck in a traffic jam, when you need a little break from work, before going to bed ... and so on. Feel what's best for you! 
 

Exercise by Maria Flensburg, instructor in Mindfulness Training, MBSR.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

To use tough love in your relationship

"Tough love". Have you ever heard the expression before? I've heard that you should use tough love towards the person with substance abuse.

But what exactly is "tough love"? Can love be tough? Or is it about functional and respectful attitude, towards yourself and others? It doesn't have to be negative. You, yourself, can turn it into something positive and use it according to your own situation in life.  

How do you interpret "tough love"? Please write in the comments and tell us your views and experiences of this!

I interpret that tough love means:

* To clearly communicate your values​​; what you think is okay and not okay.
* To stand up for your own values ​​and not compromise or violate what you believe in.

* To be clear and respectful in your communication.


* To not accept the things that doesn't feel good for you.

* To let the person with an alcohol- or drug addiction handle and take responsibility for the negative consequences of the addiction. 
* To not allow yourself to believe in lies, and instead believe in what you see.
* To support the person when he/she makes a change in order to become clean and sober

What does "tough love" mean to you?

Take care!
/Carina 


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Saturday, July 2, 2016

An exercise to get rid of your dwelling!


When your life didn't turn out to be quite as you expected, when the one you love is stuck in an addiction, when you're constantly worried, day and night, you might get stuck in something called dwelling. 

You might find yourself dwelling in thoughts and questions over and over again without getting anywhere. The thoughts are spinning around in your head all day long until you go to sleep and when you wake up the same thoughts starts spinning once again.This may lead to you becoming very tired of your own thoughts.

Here's an exercise for those who want to stop dwelling and instead make room for different thoughts. 



Exercise - dwell on time!

1. Set a time each day when you get to dwell as much as you want to, 100 percent. For example: "Today at 3 o'clock, for 20 minutes, I'll dwell how much I want.


2. If you then start to dwell before 3 o'clock, you say to yourself, "Okay, I'll take care of those thoughts at 3 o'clock", and then concentrate on something else. 

3. When the clock turns 3, sit down and think, write, cry and dwell on everything and anything you can come up with, for 20 minutes. 

4. When the time is up, focus on other things again, and come up with a new time to dwell the following day.

 

This way, the dwelling won't take over your whole day and you'll have the oportunity to focus on something else. After some time, when you sit down in order to dwell, you'll probably come to the conclusion that it's rather boring and that you'd rather do something else. Then you've overcome your own dwelling.


Share this post if you think it might be of use to someone else! 


Take care!
/Carina

Friday, July 1, 2016

WELCOME EVERYONE!


I would like to welcome all my readers, both new ones and old ones, to my updated blog, with a new name and improved design! 

The content will be similar to that of my old blog; I will still be writing about, and for, those of you who are, or have been, in a close relationship to a person who suffers from addiction. I really hope that what I write will provide you with help, information or comfort in your life. 

I've been writing about relatives to people with addiction for years, so please visit my previous blog, it'll be up and running for all of you who missed it!: http://codependencyinfo.se

You can also follow me on my Facebook page!: 
Family, Friends & Addiction, by author Carina Bang  

Tomorrow I'll publish my first post here, so keep an eye open :)
 
I would also really like you to contact with me if you have any questions, suggestions or concerns that you might have. And feel free to leave a comment, maybe you can help others! You can reach me at: info@carinabang.se